Emotionally Unavailable People

When relationships fail it can be easy to point the finger at someone else and blame them for it. Especially if the person is emotionally unavailable. You see, we tend to attract people that share similar experiences. We like befriending people that we can relate to, the same goes for intimate relationships. So, before you start pointing fingers, I am challenging you to take a minute and reflect on yourself. If you feel that you continuously attract emotionally unavailable people; odds are, you are too!

IDENTIFYING EMOTIONAL UNAVAILABILITY

Many of us easily identify people that are fresh out of a relationship as people who are emotionally unavailable. This is one of the most common red flags, but definitely not the only one! Often times people who find themselves emotionally unavailable, typically have underlining issues that have been suppressed for a long time. If you find yourself struggling with connecting with a partner, it is likely that you are unavailable. People that tend to be unavailable also suffer from feelings of inadequacy and codependency. If this is you, I suggest you take a break from dating other people and date yourself!

If you are someone who loves to have fun with your partner and not really connect with them on a spiritual level, you are likely emotionally unavailable. I have found this to be common with younger generations. These are the people that have built walls so high that they become difficult to knockdown. These barriers are created to protect themselves from pain. It is difficult for many to accept that pain is a part of healing! Our society was conditioned to categorize pain with fear and failure at a young age. It is important to change that mentality and understand that pain is the first step in healing.

People that are unavailable are inconsistent, make excuses for their actions, and can come off as selfish in a relationship. In order to avoid this behavior, you have to be willing to do the work and asses the relationship you have with your partner. You must be willing to revisit past traumas and ask yourself tough questions. If you choose to stay in a relationship while exploring your past traumas, it is vital that your partner is supportive and understands that you are on a different journey. This will be an added stressor to the relationship so be sure to really weigh out your options and see if this is the best decision for you and your journey. Do not be afraid to put yourself first.

Questions to ask yourself:

Do you feel that you are unworthy of love?

Why are you afraid to prioritize yourself?

Why do you make excuses for your behavior?

SETTING BOUNDARIES

Many people stay in toxic relationships because they are afraid of being alone with their own thoughts. It is important to be able to give yourself the love and happiness and you deserve. Do not seek a relationship with someone just to fill a void. Give yourself time to create boundaries and standards. Setting these boundaries can help you filter out the people that are not meant to be in your life.

Once you identify your standards and set boundaries with the people in your life you must actively communicate them. Your feelings are valid and your loved ones should know when those boundaries are crossed. Do not ever feel bad if someone has wronged you because you set your intentions and were clear from the start.

Lastly, it is important that you come from a place of love when communicating your boundaries. There is no need to be aggressive because you should value yourself and your needs. The people in your life should respect you and your boundaries. If they fail to do so, you know who to cut out of your life.